Meeting Expectations

It's been awhile on here, over two years in fact. Reading my previous post, it makes me smile as my now HUSBAND, Dylan, wrote a response to that same letter right before he got down on one knee and proposed to me. It has been 18 months now and has been (and continues to be) a wonderful and beautiful ride. He spoils me and has and continues to live up to being the "future husband" I always imagined. I am incredibly grateful for him. 

Today, I was looking through "Notes" on my iPhone and came across what I am going to post below. It makes me smile. I enjoy writing my thoughts out and this particular one was written in AUGUST 2016. I flew to California to spend a few days with Dylan as he finished up his Summer job, and then we drove back to Utah together before school started back. We were engaged a month later. Enjoy.

There are multiple times in the last year, as I went on many dates, breaking hearts, and even having my own broken that I asked myself, "Am I expecting too much??" To find someone who has the qualities that I want and the desire to improve upon those qualities? Someone who loves me for who I am, without hesitation, excuses, or doubts? Someone who not only is my best friend, adventurer, and closest confidant, but my priesthood leader, future father of my children, and my biggest fan and supporter. 

Is it too much to expect a door opened? A clean mind and heart? A strong testimony of Christ? Loyalty, love, and laughter? Someone to push me to be better and call me out when I'm wrong. One who sacrifices for me and lets me know how deep his love is for me. A man who wants to be with me, and will always fight for me? 

Is it too much to expect? Well... I'm currently sitting here on an Allegiant flight to California. It's a cheap flight, and it comes with terrible service. They charge you for everything... There isn't even a complimentary water. The first time I flew with them, I was really disappointed with the service and extra fees on random things. However, as I fly this time... It has been fairly enjoyable. Why? Because my expectations are very low. I know that I will have to pay for a drink, so I don't expect to get a drink (though I think it's only common courtesy to get a cup of water). Because I had my expectations lowered with my first flight, I wasn't expecting much the 2nd time around. Who am I to judge this airline? I chose to still buy the ticket because it was cheap, understanding the extra fees and lack of free beverage. If I have a problem with the quality of the flight, it's only my fault because I chose to purchase a flight through them.

In comparing this to my life, I feel like... In a way... That's how I've been with dating. I started with my expectations high, but eventually they were lowered ever so slightly with each awkward first date and a little more with each failed relationship. I felt that the more I dated, the less people seemed to reach the expectations I had. I came to expect less and accept them more easily. I was content and happy. I dated them because it was convenient, I felt like I was progressing in some way, and I was okay with not having them meet a few of my "unnecessary" expectations. I mean... Who am I to judge? I needed to get off my high horse and lower my expectations and then they would meet them... And I would be content and possibly even happier. 

With Dylan... I have realized how wrong I was. I have begun to notice that my expectations have risen back up to where they once were. Not only did he raise them, but he has surpassed many of them. 

Now, the thought of ever lowering my expectations is not only ridiculous but completely asinine. Nevertheless... it happened. I thought I would be happy, and that it would "work". But... Marriage isn't supposed to "work". It's supposed to be the happiest journey of your life and all of eternity. You don't want to simply be "content" with someone you will go through your hardest trials and your most joyous moments with. I want my best friend and I want the man of my dreams. 

So, was I expecting too much? To some people, maybe. Maybe they are happy on an Allegiant flight with a lot of fees and no complimentary drinks. But not me. I'd be happiest in first class on American Airlines (even though I can't afford it haha). At least, I know that's what I deserve. I know it's what my Heavenly Father has prepared for me. So why expect anything less? Why accept anything less?? Especially when making the most important decision of your life.

No one is perfect. That should never be expected. However, maintain your most important expectations and qualities. And most importantly, seek a person that is actively trying and progressing to achieve or surpass those expectations. When you find the that, you'll understand why it never worked with anyone else.

I'm pretty sure I found him ladies and gents, and I never want to leave his side. And for that reason ... I'm taking this cheap Allegiant flight to California so I can take my first class ride next to Dylan back home to Utah. 

Grateful for Dylan, and the first class husband that he is. To all the girls out there... never lose faith, never lose hope. 

Dear Future Husband,

I am sitting on campus people watching, and found myself thinking of you. 

Not you, exactly, but the type of person I know you will be. 

I say know, rather than hope, because through past experiences and examples around me I know the type of man I deserve and that the Lord has planned for me and I won't allow myself to settle for anything less. Some say that I'm "picky" and I would have to agree... I have high expectations, and for us to be together now I know that you have surpassed every single one of them. I want to write about you. The person that you are. The heart that you have.

f a i t h f u l. 

You are faithful to the Lord, to me, and your covenants. I will never doubt your love for me, or the Lord. You would never do anything to break the vows we have made, and will honor them with complete fidelity. You live a life of faith and trust. Christ is at the head of our marriage and together we can accomplish anything.

m y   b e s t   f r i e n d
We talk about anything without fearing a judgemental or pessimistic reply. We are each other's biggest fans, while still being honest when we are in the wrong. You are eager to hear my good news and have a listening ear when I need to release my daily stresses. We are there for each other through the good and bad and we can talk to each other for hours on end. You are truly my closest, most dearest friend.

k i n d. 

A person who is nice, is not always kind. Anyone can be nice, but kindness is something deeper. It's compassion when no one is watching. It's charity. Its love. It's tolerant. You notice the unnoticed and your words build up rather than tear down. You are understanding of differences, and are not offended easily. You are the kindest man I know.

u n s e l f i s h.

You are always looking out for myself and others, rather than yourself. I often watch as you put aside your own desires to help me. You think of your family first, and of yourself last. I see you as we have children-- putting aside work and personal to-do lists to play catch, dress a barbie doll, or read a bedtime story. For you-- they are never sacrifices. 

p r e s i d e,  p r o v i d e,  &  p r o t e c t.

You honor your priesthood and the covenants you have made. You not only provide the necessities of life, but preside over our family with love. You are our protector. You are every much as involved in the lives of our children as I am, and you are eager to return home to us each and every day. You lead us in our family prayers and scripture study each night and live worthy to the priesthood you hold.

c o n f i d e n t.

You rarely second guess yourself, and when you put your mind to something you are fearless as you achieve your goals. You are not timid or prideful, but you are sure. You are courageous and positive and never doubt yourself, nor the Lord. With this confidence comes trust, and this trust you freely give to me, and to others. 

a d v e n t u r o u s.

From the moment we met the adventure began. Whether we are hiking a mountain, making dinner, running through the rain, or driving cross-country... with you, life is an adventure. From the spontaneous moments, to the mundane daily duties-- together we enjoy them all. Your zeal and passion for life helps us truly enjoy, rather than endure, the ups and downs.

f o r g i v i n g.

As you knew when you married me, I am not perfect... and you have never expected me to be. You have accepted my flaws and forgiven me of my many mistakes, unkind words, and selfish actions. I feel comfortable talking to you about my shortcomings, and together we work through them. You never hold my past against me, but help me as we look forward to the present and future.

h u m b l e.

You are always looking at ways to improve and progress in your life. You see your weaknesses and shortcomings, but don't allow them to define you. You recognize your dependance upon God and your constant need for His support. You are teachable and desire to fulfill His will. Your humility allows you to grow in many ways and to be a greater tool in the hand of the Lord.

e d u c a t e d.

One of the greatest things we can do on this earth is to learn all that we can. Education is of the utmost importance-- not only secularly but spiritually. We have a home with books, and teach our children the importance of an education. You are educated, and beyond college you continue to read from good books and have a desire to always learn more. We educate our kids on the many beauties of the world, whether it be a camping trip, a symphony, or a basketball game.

l o v e   m e.

You love me, honor me, and cherish me and never let a day go by without telling me. You tell me how important I am in your life and you show it daily. We will have disagreements, but we will never go to bed angry at each other. The adversary may try to tear us apart, but you will always fight for me. You will always be by my side, and I by yours-- together...we will be one.

 I know the Lord will not let me marry someone who is not worthy of me. Because together... He has great expectations for us. He has plans for us that are beyond what we could ever imagine. Together we will continue to become like our Savior, Jesus Christ and raise a family that will honor Him. We desire to be worthy and ready that we may ready to serve Him with whatever He asks of us.

I, myself, am striving for these qualities and others in addition to these. I cannot expect something of you, and not expect it of myself! As I search for you, and as God brings us together, we will know each other by these qualities. I know you'll be a tall, handsome man, with a smile that lights up the room and also my heart. Excited does not even begin to describe the feelings I have towards spending eternity with you.

You are the man I want my son to become, and my daughter to marry. 

And I'm grateful that you're my forever. 

- m e.

I'm BACK!

Hello everyone!

I was contemplating over the last couple of weeks if I wanted to keep this blog or not. In the end, I decided I'm going to keep it. I don't think many people even read this, which is fine... To be honest, I write on here more for myself anyways.

In more important news... I'm home!! If I could express to you what my mission means to me I would be here all day. It was a life-changing experience that has helped me build a firm foundation for the rest of my life. I did have all of the e-mails from my mission on this blog; however, I have removed them to protect the privacy of those I taught and served.

Not sure what I'm going to write on here... but I'm sure eventually my writing side will kick in again... just wait.

Time for the MTC

Well. The time has come! I can't believe it is already here. I will fly out early Wednesday morning to Salt Lake City, and will head to the Provo Missionary Training Center (MTC) around 12pm. I will spend about 7 weeks there, learning Spanish and tours for the Mesa Visitor's Center. Then.. it's off to Mesa!! 

I am beyond excited for this new adventure in my life, and I can't wait to see what the Lord has planned for me. Thank you so much for all the love and support so many of you have given me and my family.

If you would like to stay in touch, I have put all my contact info riiight here --> 

As I said, Dear Elder is AWESOME for the MTC. I get it right away.. and it's free :) I am hoping that I will have Megan, or someone in my family updating my blog with my e-mails. 

Till we meet again,

Hermana Orr

Tornado Probs

As most of you know, an F5 tornado came racing through Moore on Monday, May 20th. It came through around 2:40pm. I actually had gone to get Austin from the Jr. High around 1:15 because he didn't finish a project for one of his classes. (blessing in disguise) After I picked him up, I checked Sydney out of school as well. Megan came home right around 2:15 because she didn't have a 6th hour, so me and the kids were all at home. My parents were at a funeral at the church building, and my grandpa, Brandon, and Jaree were at the farm. In Oklahoma.. there always seems like there is a tornado warning/watch but.. it rarely turns into a huge threat in your area. I have always loved watching them, and still think they are pretty amazing..haha I mean it's crazy what strong wind can do so.. when the sirens went off, it seemed like no big deal. We went across the street to our neighbors because they have a shelter and we watched the news. We watched as the tornado set down in Newcastle. Austin and I ran outside and watched the tornado as it headed east in our direction. At this point it wasn't all that big, but it was still amazing to see. The family we were with made us get in the shelter and we watched on an iPad as the storm went through Moore. It stayed about a mile north of my house. I was really worried about my parents at the church building, but it didn't even dawn on me until I got out of the shelter that it could have hit the farm. 

The next hour was awful trying to get ahold of my family and having no idea if they were okay. I couldn't drive anywhere because the roads were blocked off, and cell phone lines were down. I just listened as they said over and over on the news that "Orr Family Farm was gone." and that my elementary school was gone. My aunt teaches there and so I was worried about her as well. Ah.. it was crazy! I would never wish that on anyone! I was overall pretty calm... I just knew that my family had to be okay. It's one of those things where you don't let yourself think otherwise. Plus I didn't want to freak because the kids were all with me. FINALLY we talked to my mom. She was pretty upset on the phone. I've never heard her like that, so I thought the worst. But THANKFULLY the entire family was safe and sound. The farm... was another story. (My house was okay and miraculously my grandpas house was too. Trust me.. the power of prayer is real. There was a barn hit north and south of his house but right in the middle... my grandpas house was missed. It's amazing.)

My grandparents opened Celestial Acres, a horse training center, 36 years a go. My dad has lived and worked there since he was 12. There were many barns, a huge arena, a hay barn, and many horses. Not all ours.. most belonged to trainers that rented out the stalls. That is just what we owned.. About 12 years ago we sold a large part of the farm, but that is where my parents first house was, the house I grew up in, and so many other places. All of it.. was in rubble. It was awful. When you look east all you saw was destruction. All of it was destroyed. The Orr family farm part of things was very damaged. Most buildings were still standing, some were completely gone, but we were very blessed that it wasn't worse. 

Since Monday.. I have worked all day, everyday. I have quite the farmer's tan (or burn..)Oh yeah, and... I'm going on a mission Wednesday. How bout that. :) It was the last thing on my mind for most of this week, but the last couple days I've realized I need to start focusing on it again. It's been really tough with all that is going on, but I'm doing the best I can. I am still speaking this Sunday. Church will definitely be an unusual Sunday. It is going to be casual dress. Jeans, and t-shirts so everyone can go out to work in the community afterwards. In all of my 20 years, I have never seen our entire building in casual clothing.. it's always Sunday best. I'm actually pretty excited about that.  So.. life has been crazy. I think I have all the stuff I need.. it's just a matter of packing it, and preparing mentally. 

But even though it has been crazy.. so much good has come out of this week. I cannot express to you in words the amount of help we have received. Throughout this entire week we have easily had over 1000 volunteers on our property helping us pick up debris. In addition to those, we have had lunch, dinner, snacks, and plenty of water and supplies provided for us. My faith in humanity has definitely been restored. There have been so many people that have dropped everything and driven thousands of miles to come and help the people of Oklahoma. I have just been in shock at everything that happened, but at the same time I'm in shock of everything that has been done since. I feel like my mind has been going a million miles a second. There have been CNN reporters, Anderson Cooper, The Today Show, KSL, LDS Church News... you name it.. they've been here. It has been stressful, but overall really good. It has really changed my perspective on so many things, and has made me look at myself and my priorities. It has been an emotional week, but I've been pretty proud of myself for not shedding any tears, though I've had a lump in my throat countless times. The generosity of this community... there just aren't any words. There really aren't. I love Oklahoma. I love it so much. There are not better people anywhere in the country. We are very resilient, and that's one thing that has become more and more clear as each day passes. 

Here are some pics of the farm.. They show it more than I can say.

If you see that big circle.. that is the training track. To the right of the parking lot that is where all the barns were. Below that is where the houses I grew up in were. By the parking lot you can see where the Orr Family Farm part of things is. 

This is the Before and After of the Train Station.

 This is a before and after of the carousel.

This is where the horse barns and indoor arena once stood.

 The Beast of a Tornado

This is a photo of where the last 3 huge tornadoes through Moore have gone. Red is May 3, 1999, Blue is May of 2003, and Green is May 20, 2013. Pretty crazy stuff.

This is where the equipment barn once stood.

My family has been very blessed. We have each other and that's what matters most! The rest.. is just stuff. :)

Home again!

I have been home for 2 weeks!! Where has the time gone? 

I'm loving the time with the family. The parents have been out of town this week, so I have had mommy duty. I have enjoyed it, but am also ready for my parents to be back. I think they like to leave us every now and then just so we have a greater appreciation for them... and it works. Every time. :) 

So I leave in less than 20 days. I'm not really counting down the days.. It just makes me realize all that I still need to do before then. I have been going back and forth about whether or not I want to put my letters on my blog, or if I just want to e-mail them to those that want it. There are pros and cons to each, but I think I've decided that I will have my family put my e-mails on here each week. 

So I think it's time for a blog make-over. 

Education.

WATCH THIS VIDEO.

I have discussed this topic with friends many times. Especially as finals are starting tomorrow, I find myself memorizing information so that I can pass a test. A test that measures how much I have learned. A test that is strategically made so that a certain number of students will get A's, B's, C's, and/or D's. I once heard a professor say, "The average was too high. The test must have been too easy." He didn't think that perhaps, the students just performed well. I study for tests. I don't study to remember. I have spent the last two days studying in the library hoping I can regurgitate the information on a test so that I can forget it as I leave the Testing Center. Those tests determine my grades, and those grades determine my future plans.

I understand that this is how the education system works; however, I find myself learning and remembering more in the classes where my grade isn't solely based on 3 midterms and a final. I am not a good test taker. I talk myself out of the multiple choice answers and spend way too long trying to decipher the questions, as one wrong word can completely change the question. 

I love this video because it made me think. What is education to me? What do I want to achieve with my education? I know I'm not necessarily going for a career so that I will make x amount of money. So... if that's not the reason that I am in school, than what is? I went to college to gain an education, but that's not what I'm doing right now. Right now... I am trying to pass tests. Tests that will determine my final grade in the class, tests that determine whether I graduate, and tests that decide which PA School I will get into. 

It looks like I have some reassessing to do on how I'm going to spend the rest of my time in college. I can't change the system, but I can change how I educate myself and redefine my personal view on education.