It's been awhile on here, over two years in fact. Reading my previous post, it makes me smile as my now HUSBAND, Dylan, wrote a response to that same letter right before he got down on one knee and proposed to me. It has been 18 months now and has been (and continues to be) a wonderful and beautiful ride. He spoils me and has and continues to live up to being the "future husband" I always imagined. I am incredibly grateful for him.
Today, I was looking through "Notes" on my iPhone and came across what I am going to post below. It makes me smile. I enjoy writing my thoughts out and this particular one was written in AUGUST 2016. I flew to California to spend a few days with Dylan as he finished up his Summer job, and then we drove back to Utah together before school started back. We were engaged a month later. Enjoy.
There are multiple times in the last year, as I went on many dates, breaking hearts, and even having my own broken that I asked myself, "Am I expecting too much??" To find someone who has the qualities that I want and the desire to improve upon those qualities? Someone who loves me for who I am, without hesitation, excuses, or doubts? Someone who not only is my best friend, adventurer, and closest confidant, but my priesthood leader, future father of my children, and my biggest fan and supporter.
Is it too much to expect a door opened? A clean mind and heart? A strong testimony of Christ? Loyalty, love, and laughter? Someone to push me to be better and call me out when I'm wrong. One who sacrifices for me and lets me know how deep his love is for me. A man who wants to be with me, and will always fight for me?
Is it too much to expect? Well... I'm currently sitting here on an Allegiant flight to California. It's a cheap flight, and it comes with terrible service. They charge you for everything... There isn't even a complimentary water. The first time I flew with them, I was really disappointed with the service and extra fees on random things. However, as I fly this time... It has been fairly enjoyable. Why? Because my expectations are very low. I know that I will have to pay for a drink, so I don't expect to get a drink (though I think it's only common courtesy to get a cup of water). Because I had my expectations lowered with my first flight, I wasn't expecting much the 2nd time around. Who am I to judge this airline? I chose to still buy the ticket because it was cheap, understanding the extra fees and lack of free beverage. If I have a problem with the quality of the flight, it's only my fault because I chose to purchase a flight through them.
In comparing this to my life, I feel like... In a way... That's how I've been with dating. I started with my expectations high, but eventually they were lowered ever so slightly with each awkward first date and a little more with each failed relationship. I felt that the more I dated, the less people seemed to reach the expectations I had. I came to expect less and accept them more easily. I was content and happy. I dated them because it was convenient, I felt like I was progressing in some way, and I was okay with not having them meet a few of my "unnecessary" expectations. I mean... Who am I to judge? I needed to get off my high horse and lower my expectations and then they would meet them... And I would be content and possibly even happier.
With Dylan... I have realized how wrong I was. I have begun to notice that my expectations have risen back up to where they once were. Not only did he raise them, but he has surpassed many of them.
Now, the thought of ever lowering my expectations is not only ridiculous but completely asinine. Nevertheless... it happened. I thought I would be happy, and that it would "work". But... Marriage isn't supposed to "work". It's supposed to be the happiest journey of your life and all of eternity. You don't want to simply be "content" with someone you will go through your hardest trials and your most joyous moments with. I want my best friend and I want the man of my dreams.
So, was I expecting too much? To some people, maybe. Maybe they are happy on an Allegiant flight with a lot of fees and no complimentary drinks. But not me. I'd be happiest in first class on American Airlines (even though I can't afford it haha). At least, I know that's what I deserve. I know it's what my Heavenly Father has prepared for me. So why expect anything less? Why accept anything less?? Especially when making the most important decision of your life.
No one is perfect. That should never be expected. However, maintain your most important expectations and qualities. And most importantly, seek a person that is actively trying and progressing to achieve or surpass those expectations. When you find the that, you'll understand why it never worked with anyone else.
I'm pretty sure I found him ladies and gents, and I never want to leave his side. And for that reason ... I'm taking this cheap Allegiant flight to California so I can take my first class ride next to Dylan back home to Utah.
Grateful for Dylan, and the first class husband that he is. To all the girls out there... never lose faith, never lose hope.
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